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Eating Disorders

My name is Danielle. I am 19 years old. I have thousands of friends and a 4.2 GPA. I have an awesome home life with family outings almost every Sunday. My friends think I'm attractive and I try very hard to make them happy. We have six people in my family: my mom, my dad and 2 brothers and my sister (who's also my best friend). I still live at home even though I go to university. I exercise with my sister every day for an hour or so, so I'm in good physical health. My mom and dad are both doctors and we are well ahead financially. My life is perfect.

This week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week (February 3 - 9). The purpose of this week is AWARENESS. Did you know that over 4 million Canadians suffer from these disorders? You may say nobody I know has an eating disorder?!?" I'm willing to bet, you're wrong. Eating disorders are a great concern on college and university campuses, across the country and yes, even here at this university.

What exactly are eating disorders? Simply speaking, an eating disorder is an abnormal relationship with food. A person who uses food to cope with life stresses has an eating disorder. The major eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa.

Symptoms common to both of these illnesses include: excessive exercise, unusual eating habits, avoidance of restaurants or eating in public, frequent weighing and calorie counting, perfectionist attitude, and severe self criticism. The anorexic shows no known physical illness that would explain weight loss. Typically, the bulimic looks perfectly normal from the outside.

Having said this, the odd thing about eating disorders is that they aren't about eating at all rather they are about a person. A person who has an eating disorder usually feels s/he lacks control in one or more areas in their life. The only thing s/he believes s/he can control is food. It is important to realize that eating disorders are very complex emotional issues. Though they may seem to be nothing but a dangerously obsessive dietary concern on the surface, for most men and women suffering with an eating disorder, there are deeper emotional conflicts to be resolved. The vast majority of people suffering anorexia were hyper responsible children. A pattern that continues into adult life being a perfectionist and putting outrageous expectations on themselves.

They are determined to never have to rely on others. When they move out of the family home a whole new set of challenges to be met are presented. Food intakes become even more erratic and they often exercise until exhaustion.

Now we know the basics about eating disorders but how do we recognize people with eating disorders: simple they'll be really thin. WRONG! This is a myth. The truth is you won't know everyone with an eating disorder but when you do there are some guidelines you can follow when you extend a helping hand. It's worth remembering that an eating disorder is not only a problem, but an attempted solution to a problem. Each case is an individual one. One of the most important things to remember: there are people that have disordered eating, that's right, the main focus is about people, not just eating disorders.

It is important in life not to take responsibility for things over which we have no power and to recognize those over which we do. Ultimately, we don't have power over whether someone gets well, wants to get well, seeks help, stays with help, doesn't eat tonight, stops purging, or treats him/herself with respect and concern. What we do have power over and what we can take responsibility for is the choice to express our concern and our authentic response to someone.

Probably the most important thing you can do is listen. Often, they feel very alone and frequently feel they don't deserve help. Offer unconditional love and support. This can provide strength to help the person seek experienced professional help which is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for real recovery.

Although we cannot know how another person will receive our concern, we can still take responsibility for expressing it. When we express our concern, we are wise to speak of our own experience rather than assume that we know what is true or best for the other person. Instead of saying: "you're too thin" or "you need help" or "you aren't eating enough" there are alternatives. Why don't you say, "I care about you. I want to say to you "Stop, don't do it" But I know it's not that simple. Let's get some help."

Then there is the issue of the food itself. Here are the don't's: Don't try to force a person to eat. Meal times are "sore spots" for these people. Avoid commenting on what anyone is eating. Forget conversations about weight loss or weight gain.

Finally, you must set limits for yourself. This can't be a life's work for you. If you tell somebody, "No, I'm not angry. I know you can't help it, and I love you," we are saying that we cannot be angry with him/her and love her/him anyway. It is much more honest and ultimately healing it is to say "Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am frustrated. I'm angry because I love you, and I see you treating yourself like this. You deserve better, and I wish you believed that!"

People suffering anorexia are enemies to themselves. They become abusing, severe tyrants when it comes to "self-control." They are absolutely unable (or unwilling?) to give to themselves, to be kind to themselves, or to simply provide for their own fundamental needs. They simply cannot grasp that they deserved the same love and care that they, sometimes, desperately give to give others.

Quite often, it is very hard for them to open the door of their prison to allow others in so that you might comfort, reassure, and nurture those desperate soul. This is perhaps the most agonizing aspect that torments the family and friends of people, mostly women, who literally erode slowly into nothingness.

You could perhaps ask them "Would you treat a friend the way that you treat yourself"? The answer to that is easy. Most people suffering from anorexia are kind and caring. Genuine. But it seems impossible for them to care for themselves. They should realize that they are so in control that they are out of control".

If you have an eating disorder or you have a friend who you think might, find help. Talk about it to someone who you think might be able to help. Residence monitors, dons, counsellors, even one or two students with a special knowledge in the area. Ensure confidentiality. Trust me, it hurts if it's not kept. If you happen to make a mistake while talking to someone with an eating disorder or approaching them, don't worry. No one expects you to be perfect. You are just a friend. You are not a counsellor or eating disorder specialist. Please remember, all you can do is listen and encourage them to seek help. Most important, please remember to tell them: you are not alone and there is hope before it is too late!

People with an eating disorder have first to identify themselves in their own mind as "An anorexic" or bulimic. An anorexic mother, the anorexic friend, the anorexic daughter, the anorexic employee. They think that if they try to break away from this they would lose themselves completely. They will have to completely reinvent myself. To change everything so they can be "well". That's a major challenge. They see their eating disorder as a childhood friend, a strength at that time, and the vehicle that has allowed them to survive. As much as they hate the hold it has on them it is almost impossible to imagine erasing it. To do this would be equivalent with erasing themselves. It is like a small child on a merry-go-round at the park. Someone's parent spinning all around faster and faster until they can not recognize the surroundings and felt off balance and sick . Wanting to get off, wanting to jump......but where is the safe place to take that leap? Everything looks so blurry when you spin so fast.

It is very difficult. That's why they need professional help and friends.

Hey guys, There's only one thing I forgot to mention. I was diagnosed with Bulimerexia (a combination of Anorexia and Bulimia) two weeks ago today. I have an eating disorder. Please remember, anyone at your table could have an eating disorder, so take care in what you discuss at the meal hall.